… i

I saw our whole life together

Laid out before me in a dream.

You wouldn’t believe how magnificent,

Each moment we shared

Like a picture perfect puzzle piece

Those years stacking up

Our hair gone white

Wrinkled hands never leaving each others

That love just as bright

At the final goodbye

As it was at that life-altering hello.

I was yours, completely.

In ways I’ve never been

Anyone else’s.

And you were mine…

In that lifetime

But I know I will still love you,

In each and every one

Even if only for a fleeting moment

At night in my dreams.

… a

A single suspended moment in time

Ripe with shimmery magic,

Daring to believe in each possibility

While I should know better.

Hope is ever a treacherous past time

In my life.

Always lost in my dreams,

Such vibrantly beautiful fantasies

They are.

I let myself get swept away

On your powerful current.

Insisting the water is fine,

The deeper I venture

Until I’m barely afloat.

But my naïveté is expensive

The cost proves utterly crushing

How many times will it be paid

Before the lesson is learned?

I should be terrified to tally that answer.

But for you,

I find that I’m not.

… when

When everything feels shaky

The path scarce and unsure

We ask a candle to see the truth

Tonight I light this one for me.

For all of the the why nots

The could be’s

And maybe yes

Or perhaps we’ll see?

As the flames flicker and dance

I ask for fate to give but a chance

Where does my soul belong?

Which direction leads the way home

I can hear the song through the trees

But wind howls to distract me

Shoring up my courage

I follow the flame

Unflinchingly

For I know it’s your heart

Calling longingly out for me.

…meet

Meet me where the moon kisses the water

And waves are deceptively gentle

Hiding these dangerous depths.

But you’re a good swimmer

Right?

Hold your breath and sink below

Down here the world is quiet,

Just ours.

You’ll find happiness you’ve never known

Souls intertwined

Eyes locked

Bodies dancing.

It’s meant for just us

So I await in the night

My hair floating in the currents

Skin kissed by a thousand stars.

Come on in,

I whisper

The water is waiting,

For whenever you’re ready to swim.

… you

You, me,

and the rain make three.

Woven together so seamlessly

Soul to soul

Skin presses against skin

It feels so right.

Make me whole on this

Cloudy night

Stealing a moment

From the stars

Not giving a damn,

Because it was meant to be ours.

… learning

Learning how to forget,
You
Has been a hard lesson in finding,
Me.
For every day I resist the pull
Of your magical eyes,
And teasing voice,
All of those love drenched scenes
I painted so vividly in my dreams…
A little slice of who I am
Without the hope of you
Shines brighter.
She’s not who I expected,
This version of myself,
But maybe she’s all the best parts of me.
I try to apologize to her,
For letting us down,
In failing to capture your heart.
But she just shakes her head wisely,
And I know only what’s truly meant,
Will ever be.

…I

I carved out a hollow space 

With the utmost care

Deep inside of my heart 

A home for you

To maybe become us 

Sadly it was not to be,

You gently said.

But the ache lingers all the same. 

I miss you 

That bright sparkling hope

What could be,

Now could have been. 

Possibilities tucked away 

Saved for another day. 

… hands

Hands grasping

Knuckles straining

Sheets ripping

Head thrashing

Breath catching

Sweat slicking

Skin flushing

Whimpering

Moaning

Gasping

Crashing

there …

There are days at a time

Stitched together with hope

I can forget you.

The quiet bliss

Settling over me like a soft rain

Washing away the insistent ache.

And then like lightening ripping open the sky

My heart reminds me

You’re out there,

But not mine.

That soft rain turning to a deluge

Soaked instantly.

Tear tracks and raindrops

Dancing along my skin

I bring the storms with my sorrow

The sky crying out it’s lonlieness

And it’s comforting,

Not being alone.

… this

This longing is constant

Woven into the fabric of my days

My soul full of yearning

To dance

To frolic with yours

Once again

Because you see dearest

We’ve loved throughout lifetimes

Faded with time

So long ago they were

Now I wait for you to recall

The way only my love tastes

As the ripples of my existence

Beckon you to come play once more

…wanting

Wanting you hits me in waves

So devastatingly strong

It’s all but crippling.

I cannot move

Can scarcely even breathe

While every cell screams out your name.

The ache swallows me whole

Over and over.

An endless cycle of need,

I am but a slave to my desire

Trembling as once again

You overtake me.

… locked

Locked inside my imagination

Without limits

Or restrictions.

I savor you

Every which way.

Where you are mine

Ripe for exploration

Over and over again.

Hands gripping hips,

And lips traversing thighs.

Constellations painted across skin

Adventurers lost in delicious sin.

The air bathed in growled moans

Mingled with gasping sighs.

I’ll see you again my love,

At each and every moonrise.

… the

The love I’ve searched for

Spent countless days

Wishing away

It occurs to me only now

That I needn’t wait

For only I can love myself like that

And I suddenly felt ashamed

Of all the years spent wasted

Missing out on that love

Wandering aimlessly

When all along

I could have been pouring

It into myself

…I

I can,

Dance recklessly in hope.

I’m trying,

But losing the magic of the moment.

Why not,

When you’ve already turned to walk away?

I won’t,

Stand here on my own waiting,

Anymore.

… those

Those of us who feel deeply

Death of hope blazes across the mind

Searing moments in memories,

Locking those away behind a wall

To pull out and dust off periodically.

Each tear shed holds words unsaid

Is there anything worse?

The absence, the soul crushing emptiness

Would rewind fix anything?

Time doesn’t go backwards

Always trudging endlessly forward

So the words I cannot say to you

Pour down my cheeks in paragraphs.

… in bed

In bed and minutes tick slowly

Why not your arms that hold me?

Aching for just a bit of you

A smile, a touch, or even a thought.

My heart screams your name

Beating against the prison bars

Shhhhhh I tell it

Not his. Not today.

Doesn’t matter anyway

… lost

Lost in darkness my mind runs away

The only place I know for sure

You’d be waiting there for me

Deep, and deeper still

Within my dreams are found

Those things I wish you felt

Instead all I see is the love

I have locked away, reflected back

At me.

…I’m

I’m fairly certain

You and I have met before

Souls seemingly connected

Drawn to each with a magnetic clink

Such as the ocean meets the shore

Inevitably, unable to change course

My heart longs for yours evermore